My life has been far from perfect. I was not born with any genius special powers and was mostly a slow learner in school. However, two of my virtues have always helped me succeed: tenacity and hard work.
The more life threw challenges at me, the more I converted them into success. And the more the world wrote me down, the more I worked with vigor. This attitude propelled me ahead in my career. So, it was no surprise that I approached spirituality the same way when I met my friend-mentor, Om Swami.
The Curse of Praise
The mark of an exemplary mentor is that they ask nothing more of you than your progress. Since I was growing phenomenally, it was natural that Swami never missed an opportunity to praise me. Once, he was so pleased with my growth that he wished me a happy birthday from the stage in front of 250+ people with the note, “Her heart is as beautiful as her smile.”
Not stopping with that praise, Swami had gone on to speak about me as an example student at his Ashram. (Source: One of his initiated monk disciples heard him say that and expressed awe to me.)
Sounds absolutely perfect, right? I wish it were, but things didn’t pan out that way. Those lavish praises by Swami made me realize why the scriptures of Sanatana Dharma say that Lakshmi always comes with Alakshmi.
The praises I received put a dent in my spiritual paradise. Jealousy, hatred, contempt, and all of their cousins followed suit. I wondered what kind of community I was involved with, and sometimes, I even questioned my compassionate mentor.
Just because they’ve grown up…
Nature was giving me a lesson in the paradox of praise, and keeping my head sane amidst all the politics became tough. Thankfully, I was in the company of a superlative friend-mentor who came to my rescue and prevented me from sinking into taunts and criticisms.
“The guru is enlightened, the students are not,” he said once, imploring me to ignore the negativities I was facing. When I still struggled, he gave me a pointer that has stayed with me (paraphrased for brevity):
Just because someone’s body is grown doesn’t mean they have really become an adult! Think of them as children and pardon them. That’s what a mature adult does.
The Fear of Praise
Swami’s pointers helped, but I began to fear praise — more so after some episodes where people tried to prevent me from meeting my mentor. Each time I heard appreciation, I worried that I would now have to go through the rollercoaster ride of criticism, taunts, etc.
I didn’t want anyone to praise me, but Nature continued to play its games by bringing in immense praise for my blogs. I closed my comments and tried to save myself from accolades. Yet, some of Swami’s followers emailed and broke through the castle I had built around me.
Sadly, I fell for the trap and let those people into my private space. Praises poured in like never before, and I kept toiling to master the art of not getting anything into my head. It wasn’t easy, but I began to get better with practice.
“Criticism follows praise,” I reminded myself constantly, and guess what, that’s precisely what happened.
The Dawn of Non-Attachment
As if Nature wasn’t done with my spiritual lessons, situations suddenly changed, and the same people who had raised me to the sky dropped me down into the dumps. They began spreading unpleasant rumors, and some even posted derogatory remarks of slut-shaming.
Luckily, my supportive family understood, trusted, and stood by me. A couple of beautiful souls also inspired me to keep walking. It was a nightmare phase of my life, but the positive side was that it helped me develop non-attachment to the notion of praise, taunts, and criticisms.
Now, I’ve become numb to judgments. Yes, my mind feels slightly disturbed for a few seconds, but after that, it effectively blocks praise and its negative siblings.
Stop the Craving!
By default, our minds crave appreciation, but that’s a trap. Beware of it because criticism always follows praise.
Ultimately, it is a highly liberating and calming experience to go beyond both praise and criticism. As I learned from my experience:
No matter what we are, there will always be someone who loves us and someone who can’t stand us.
So, the best solution is to become non-attached to what people think of us — both good and otherwise.
Love,
Sri Devi Om
