Sex is at the core of a healthy marriage. I know this remark violates many euphoric notions, but it is true. Regardless of how much love exists between spouses, the bond will deteriorate if intimacy is lacking or ignored. I speak from experience after ruining my marriage — I don’t blame myself, though, because that’s what happens when someone with a monk-like tendency is pushed to marry.

Whether we like it or not, nature has made all genders different. Physical needs motivate men to marry, and seeking protection drives women. If these don’t align, it causes frustration, eventually leading to marital breakdown. In this post, I discuss the complexities of physical intimacy from the perspectives of both a woman and a spiritual practitioner.

Women’s Libido: From Motherhood to Menopause

Most women have high sexual desire in their younger days. However, in preparing for reproduction, her body goes through a lot — hormonal changes, the toll of pregnancy and birth, and the adjustment to parenting.

Consequently, a shift in libido after childbirth is unavoidable. Further, it also decreases substantially as she enters her forties, with menopause and age-related shifts in hormones. These changes are natural but often misunderstood and overlooked in the context of marriage.

Due to these drastic changes in her hormones, intimacy becomes a source of tension in relationships, especially if the woman resists and the man insists. Of course, every gender has its struggles with its sexual life, which is beyond the scope of this piece.

Intimacy and Spirituality

Spiritual teachings around celibacy and sexual purity add another layer of complexity. Many thinkers view physical intimacy as a sin unless within the confines of a marriage. Even after the wedding, this act has numerous rules and regulations. This kind of thought process has severely conditioned people, causing many to fear the very term “spirituality.”

However, this was not the case with the ancient version of Hinduism. A significant number of stories, including those of Krishna and Radha, note that sex was seen as an extension of love — a very natural feeling. There was nothing incorrect or immoral about it.

Sanatana Dharma guides each person to follow their hearts in everything, and this includes their sex life as well.

While certain spiritual practices require temporary celibacy, physical intimacy is not considered sinful. Unfortunately, many contemporary Hindu spiritual leaders also advocate for celibacy. Something that throws me off and makes me wonder if they even know what this faith teaches.

Sexual connection is a natural part of life, and Hinduism emphasizes oneness with self and nature. Some sub-traditions even define spirituality as a union (a refined term for sex) with the divine. In other words, what is natural should be embraced. Sex is not a sin to be ashamed of. It is an act that must be performed with the purity and divinity of worship.

My Approach to Intimacy

I’ve had times when sexual union was effortless and others when my libido had nearly vanished. The latter created substantial friction in my marriage (especially as my partner faced his own issues).

After much trial and error, I now approach physical intimacy with much more mindfulness. Passion doesn’t come automatically to me — I am just not made that way. So, I try to create an environment for it. I prepare myself before intimacy by having a warm shower, caring for my body, and practicing meditation on love. Further, romantic music helps me get in the mood.

In short, I have realized that spending time caring for my body and mind makes me more open to sexual closeness. This is not easy for me, but I’ve come a long way toward accepting my physical connection with my spouse.

Not a Giver: Claim Equal Rights to Make Sex Divine

After years of struggle, I am beginning to grasp that women are not the “givers” in sex but equal partners. Innately, women feel they must “give” pleasure and intimacy. But sex is a shared experience, and it is high time women claim equal rights to enjoy it as fully as most men.

For individuals on a spiritual journey, it’s vital to remove misconceptions — physical intimacy is not sinful or demeaning. In Sanatana Dharma, it is a means to connect with Divine Energy. As long as you are not cheating people or wrecking your body, sex is beautiful and divine.

So, invoke Shiva, Shakti, Vishnu, or whomever you love in your partner, and enjoy divine sex with them. This act then is nothing less than a Sadhana, a spiritual discipline.

Step over your mind’s conditioning and limiting beliefs, people. Embrace physical intimacy because it’s an extension of love — a fundamental spiritual value. What is natural is beautiful. Period.

Love, 
Sri Devi Om